How to Choose a Husband in Islam
Allah says in the Holy Quran, in Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”
(وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ)
Based on this verse, Allah Almighty describes the essence of marriage through two important concepts: affection and mercy. A Muslim home should be built on mutual understanding and harmony, which can lead to mercy and a happy marriage. A happy family can raise strong, educated, and pious members of the Muslim community. That is why a woman should be careful when choosing a husband and a father for her children. So, what are the criteria she should consider, and what things should she avoid when learning how to choose a husband?
Religion and Good Character in Choosing a Husband
First of all, there are no strict rules for how to choose a husband, as people are different, and therefore their needs and circumstances will differ too. However, there is one common value that should be highly considered in marriage: religion and good character. The Messenger of Allah said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him.”
Women should ask the suitor about his religious commitment, both specifically and practically. Does he establish the five daily prayers? Does he regularly read the Quran? How does he treat his family, including his parents, sisters, and brothers? Is he a man of good character? All these questions and their answers can help a woman make an informed choice. Other criteria may differ from one person to another, such as physical appearance, emotional compatibility, and financial circumstances.
Good Character and Responsibility in a Husband
Allah does not force women to choose a specific type of man, but He has given His servants guidelines for recognising the qualities of a good husband. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “The best of you is he who is best to his family.”
The best husband is affectionate, reliable, trustworthy, generous, and responsible. A woman needs to choose a man who is caring and capable of fulfilling his responsibilities. On the other hand, women should not believe that religiousness is the only criterion in the process of choosing a husband. In other words, she is not choosing a spokesman for Islam. She should take the time to get to know the person himself, rather than judging him based on a few hours of interaction. Based on this, her choice will become deeper than simply being attached to appearances.
One of the most common mistakes some women make is prioritising a man’s financial situation over his character and morals. They may believe that wealth will safeguard their present and future without paying enough attention to the human need for good treatment, affection, and mutual respect.
Seeking Allah’s Guidance When Choosing a Husband
Finally, we believe that every choice we make is part of the destiny that Allah has written for us before the existence of this universe. Allah Almighty chooses what is best for us. This is especially important to remember when considering how to choose a husband, as we need to remind ourselves that every good step we take is by the grace of Allah and not solely because of our own judgement or wisdom.
Before making any important decision, we should seek advice and consult knowledgeable people. We should perform Istikharah and pray to Allah, asking Him to guide us to what is best for our religion and our worldly life.
